.Amtrak.

amtrak..amtrak..
won't you come back..come back..

stole my heart like a run away train.
i'd be lying if i didn't say u run thru my brain.

hindsight stay 20/20
wasn't til then that she appreciated the beauty.

"i'm calling you daddy..daddy..can you be my daddy"..
future is hazy..but you stay like my gandhi..

detroit ran away wit it..
but its ok..cuz you know distance ain't shyt.

cuz i can fly.
the part i dread is goodbye.

the connection i have with you..
can't be matched.
too long. too strong. too deep.
my love for you is something hidden that i keep.

thank you for everything.

When You're Dead.

When You're Dead.

When you are wanting to kill yourself.

When you are dead, arguing doesn’t matter.

People’s feelings don’t matter.

Money doesn’t matter.

Having a nice house doesn’t matter.

Don’t need a car.

Don’t have to worry about the next meal.

Or making ends meet.

Don’t have to make anyone happy.

Don’t need money.

Don’t have to keep a job or keep customers happy.

You don’t have to do anything at all…

But die.

Don’t have to worry about being in love or if they love you back.

Or if they will ever have or be tempted to have moments of infidelity.

Don’t have to do well in school or need a degree even.

Don’t have to listen to anyone yelling.

Just sleep.

Just peace.

Just die.

#paingoaway

#die #dead #death #suicide #murder #pain #go away

.sexual.fluidity.

sexual fluidity

sexual orientation

is it innate or fixed?

flowing like a stream 

water overtaking

reflections 

deeper then the ocean

pain untamed

pleasures fulfilled

lustful intentions

burning desires

smooth fluid motions

him to her; her to her then him to him

lips gently brush..

hands on your chest.

make it rain

bring the pain

the reciprocal of viscosity

your body pressed against mine

flow beautiful on each other

your river runs over on mine

my thoughts jumble

just like sexual orientation.

be who you are

you are the Creator's creation. 

a.haiku.for.james.

i see you for who you are.

beauty lies within.

your words make my heart melt deep.

xoxo

.confidentiality

.confidentiality.

i'm so guarded because i value my confidentiality.

to know me for me,

one must gain a sense of intimacy.

i use a lot caution with my privacy.

i live a lot of life behind closed doors,

behind the walls of secrecy.

i confide in those i trust,

but it takes lots of years to get there

to avoid those judgmental creatures,

stay away from awkward dead stares.

when i'm imparting private matters

i use a confidential tone of voice.

only with someone i deem trustworthy, 

familiarity is my choice.

i'm private and restricted,

no secrets to be unearthed. 

i'm intimate with my intimacy, 

as caring as a nurse.

to get to my confidentiality,

to break the barrier wide.

you must look deep within

learn the secrets she holds inside. 

©Butteryevil 2012

.the struggle.

.the struggle.

it's kinda funny how life changes every second.

every minute completely different than the one previous. 

and thats me. 

that's who i am. 

the struggle. 

i'm changing drastically as time rolls along. 

i'm feelin' like a different girl than the one i was ten minutes ago. 

i'm feelin' used and abused. 

i'm feelin' down right lonely in an ugly society. 

the struggle. 

i'm feelin' neglected in my own world. 

and i'm hurting. 

the struggle. 

and as i dwell on what's goin on with me i'm thinking about all the things that i'm currently neglecting in my life by staying. 

i'm neglecting my education...

neglecting my family..

neglecting getting to know my little brother better...

neglecting bills...

the struggle.

i just don't understand what's goin on and i'm saddened. 

Saddened that someone could say..

"i want to devote myself to you" one minute,

and say "you can get the fuck out then.." 

in the next breath. 

and get the fuck out is what i want to do. 

but mostly it's get the fuck out of my life as it is...

let go!

and change it for the better. 

make more of a difference than i currently am. 

do the things that i was born to do. 

nurse. 

teach. 

write.

reach.

 change lives. 

i'm a very influential important person to our society... 

no one knows it yet. 

and its up to me to show them. 

and God willing.. 

i WILL show them.

i'm done struggling.

.another.sleepless.nite.

.another.sleepless.nite.
Current mood: stressed the fuck out but dealing.
.another.sleepless.nite.

another sleepless nite..
and i got u on the brain.

wit u doin laps thru my mind..
i'm visitin that place called insane.

cant deal wit the shyt..
cuz the shyt is equal to the pain..

but looking at u smile
is like a double dose of mary jane.

u knew u loved me before u met me..
the words u told me not too long ago.

and when they parted ur lips..
i knew i'd never let u go.

ur my addiction.
heroin meets love meets crack.
and when i think about the past..
there's no point to looking back.

a time full of pain, hurt, and unimaginable bullshyt.
when mary j. said "real love"
i thought it was something i'd never get.

then you came along.
random was our inquisition.
innocent was our conversation.
and difficult was my decision.

him or you. you or him.
but once the bonding started
his situation was gettin' dim.

in my past..there's not one thing i regret.
not a kiss, not a touch, not a single bet.

my love for you..
is like this pen to this paper.
once u have them both together
they flow naturally in nature.

you might be asking yourself...
what's my secret?
what did i do?

i'll put it like this.
dont look for love.
let that shyt find you.



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