.i gotta love jones.

I GOTTA LOVE JONES

the way you touch me,

makes me weak in the knees

i got a love jones

for the way you make me..

quiver and moan

when i'm jones-in'

i'm sick like a junkie..

i want that night to never end..

hurry and come back to me.

my love for you is as deep..

as the ocean is blue,

as i gaze at the moon,

i smile and think about you.

i gotta love jones,

when you are on my mind..

i'm like a fish who bit the bait,

caught on your hot line.

But I don't mind being caught,

because you are the prize..

I don't care what anyone thinks,

long as i get to gaze into your beautiful eyes.

you are might fine,

you are always on my mind.

love jones aside..

i'm so glad to call you mine.

©Butteryevil2012

.the story of a girl.

there once was a girl who wrote erotic,

 she found strange bliss in it being hypnotic,

 she loved to write about doing it in the aquatic,

 her love life was a bit chaotic,

 her sex became more like a narcotic and

 it turned many men very psychotic.

.the.hummingbird.

.the hummingbird.

as i was doing my yoga poses,
heard something a little sweet.
then i opened up my eyes..
a humming bird did retreat.

it flew this way then that,
but kept coming back to me,
in utter wonder i watched it,
i'd never seen such a beauty.

it'd circle me and buzzed,
then land back on the same branch,
it was such a funny sight,
thought it was doing a mating dance.

any other time i'd seen one,
they'd buzz by rather quickly..
but something about this day,
the little bird kept coming over to me.

i smiled and looked up at the heavens,
said "i know you are watching after me"
i think it's my little cousin's spirit,
the beauty and its simplicity.

i miss you every day,
but i know you are still around.
i feel you in my heart,
i'll never let you down.

keep sending little messages,
small signals are the best.
when it comes to life,
i'll make sure i pass these tests.

i miss you lil Ty,
tell Nana i said what's up,
i'll keep smilin hard,
cuz i might be a softy but i'm tough.

that hummingbird hung around me,
at least for an hour that day,
i know i had to let you go,
but in my heart you will always stay.

so thank you for small gestures,
your smile i see a lot.
i'll hug everyone for you,
cuz family and friends..
ITS ALL WE GOT!

©Butteryevil2012

.in between.

.in between.

oooOo damn you mean,
when you get in between..

when i say in between..
what do i mean?

when you comin 'off the dome,
ain't no stone left unthrown.

there's so many things
one could mean..

when you talking..
of in between.

could mean the place,
between my ears,

which spins,
as your tongue shifts gears.

could mean the place between my cheeks..
where chocolate covered strawberries..
and lips  meet.

could mean the place between two breasts,
where soft,tender,touches do caress.

could mean a whole lot lower,
but we'd like Layne to keep composure.

but the place you should invest,
is the place i love best.

when you whisper in my ear,
it's the voice that quivers near..

you really want to rock my world?
get my brain to unfurl.

oOooowweeee..
 that's what she means...

she smiles and whispers..
yep! cum get in between!

©Butteryevil2012

.class is in session.

.class is in session.

i'm your sexy teacher,
it's really nice to meet ya..

class is in,
let the lessons begin.

take some notes,
this is something you can quote.

fast or slow,
more directions you can go.

up or down,
your head's spinning..
so i'll break it down.

deeper still,
my well you can fill.

begin again,
once we start it won't end.

class is in session,
better learn some new lessons.

teach the good feat,
no time to retreat..

learn until you yearn,
many lessons still to burn.

let them lessons begin,
because class is in.

©Butteryevil2012

.doing the drummer's beat.

.doing the drummer's beat.

sultry..
succulent being,
sun kissed skin..
moans from deep within..
nose kissed, she now grins.
kiss me slowly never letting go..
even deeper than the ocean's bottom floor!

make her yearn for more..
them oohs, them aahhs, 
them oohss, them nooss..

fluidity 

don't stop..
get it get it
don't stop..
quit it quit it

climax!
r!nse,
repeat
bang, bang!
while we doing the drummer's beat..
underneath the sheets.

;) 

©Butteryevil2012

.once they get a hold of you.

.once they get a hold of you.

once they get a hold of you,

there's nothing your mama or daddy can do. 

when you are sportin' them county stripes,

ain't nothin' you want more then 

to change your life. 

your mind haunts you,

with the shoulda, coulda, wouldas,

but when you were living the gutter life,

wasn't nothin' no one could say to ya. 

when you are locked up,

you are nothing but a number,

881683 until you out..

or six feet under. 

locked up isn't a place you want to be,

its a place you will hate. 

can't get any sleep,

forced to eat slop on a plate. 

that place changes people,

turns boys into men.

got my dudes fighting,

breaking hearts they can't mend. 

this is to all my people who are behind bars,

i pray for you with every night,

with all the shooting stars.

this is for those ..

who are missing someone that's locked up. 

missing the ones who made a mistake; 

for the ones who've had enough. 

its never too late to change your life. 

change the path you are on, 

begin to live it right. 

when you get out,

i hope that you'll change.

i hope you learned good lessons,

i hope nothing remains the same. 

we miss you out here, 

our prison is in our minds,

besides our own issues,

we think of yours all the time.

mama, dad and family wish we could fix it for you,

but once they've got a hold, 

there's nothing we can do. 

©Butteryevil 2012

.feelings.

do you know what it's like to reopen wounds?

it's like being slapped in the face...

having someone apologize for it..

then slapping you again.

there's no way to explain how it feels,

how much it hurts,

until you actually go through it.

actually feel the pain.

when you go through things..

things that hurt too much to remember.

you hide them.

hid them away..

deep in the back of your mind

until..

something or someone 

reminds you of that thing.

that thing you hid.

and then..

the pain comes.

the pain and

the unexplainable hurting.

the feeling alone.

the sadness and crying.

the remembering.

then you are trapped.

back in that nothingness 

you call your mind

and

it hurts.

©Butteryevil 2004

.not.good.enough.

.not good enough.

.not.good.enough.

am i not good enough for you, 

Charlie Brown?

what makes you think you're so great?

so deserving of someone so perfect?

well, just so you know, Mr. Brown..

no one is perfect,

especially not you.

you my think you are because

 you lead your flock of 

"populars"

around on a leash.

you may think you are 

because you're 

Mr. All Star Player of the Year

on the basketball team.

you may think you are someone.

that you matter.

but you don't.

do you matter so much with 

this gun against your head?

do you matter so much..

while you see your life 

before your eyes?

do you matter so much 

while you are begging for your life?

will you matter after i pull this trigger,

Mr. I'm Too Good For You?

Who's going to think about you 

after you are gone?

Who's going to care?

Better yet..who's going to take your place

and lead the populars?

Now you see, 

as your brain leaves your skull,

that you are nobody...

you're worthless

and most of all..

you are not good enough for me. 

©Butteryevil 2001

.my.valentine.card.

.my.valentine.card.

i made this valentine..

at a time when i hadn't one.

that day was a saddened one..

and i thought my love life was done.

but now that i have someone

that i can call my very own,

i'm overflowing with joy,

and thoughts of you wont leave me alone.

i want to be near you,

whenever i hear your sweet voice.

i believe that every time you speak,

the very angels in heaven rejoice.

i wanted to tell you this,

i needed to get it out.

but as i write and think,

i'm liking you more,

no doubt.

i need you in my life,

and i'm glad that you are around.

you're like my prince charming,

but your golden heart is now 

your crown.

so even though its April,

i'd like to give this to you.

as i pick my heart up off the floor.

and piece it together through you.

i just wanted to tell you,

thank you mi amo,

for just being you.

i hope i have your blessing,

kiss my lips,

because now i'm through. 

©Butteryevil 2003

.the.clock.

the clock tick 
the clock tocks
you fucking prick!
the clock STOPS. 

©Butteryevil 2002

http://www.rainn.org/get-help/national-sexual-assault-hotline/

.lemonade.

‎.lemonade.

when life hands me lemons,

i make lemonade.

then i clean house,

like i'm getting paid.

scrub the counters

do the floors

clean my issues 

out the back door

wash the dishes

scrub the walls

sooner or later

the answer will call

when i'm in the midst of

having a panic attack

i scrub the toilet

to get my mind back.

next comes the beds

i straight each sheet.

i know that this problem 

is one i can beat.

then to finish the task

i pull out the broom

sweep this way and that

a solution is coming soon.

vacuum the house 

with a smile cheek to cheek

the answer is now mine

because i was humble and meek.

so when life hands you lemons,

make lemonade.

your problems aren't forever...

so sip slowly in the shade.

©Butteryevil 2012

.sense.less.

.sense.less.

i often think about which sense i'd miss..

if i was forced to choose.

sight, sound, feel, taste, or smell

none of which i'd choose to lose.

i'd miss the beautiful colors 

if my sight was taken from me.

i'd miss hearing the sweet sounds birds make

while hanging out in the trees. 

i'd miss the feel of sweet silky sheets 

as my  body wiggles underneath..

i'd miss the taste of chocolates and icecreams

those are things from heaven's dreams.

i'd miss the smell of fresh roses

and that of baking cookies.

i'm so thankful to my higher power,

for every day they are all given to me.

so be thankful for what you have,

because there are many who have not.

don't waste your time or energy,

be appreciative of what you've got. 

©Butteryevil 2012

.flutter.by.

.flutter.by.

Current mood: content

butterfly..

won't you flutter by.

kiss the sky..

as you go mile high.

flutterby 

and say goodbye

butterfly..

won't you flutter by. 

©Butteryevil 2012

.remember.me.

http://youtu.be/nSz16ngdsG0

.remember.me.

if i disappered right now,

how would you remember me?

would you remember me as

honest, kind and sincere?

would you remember me as

that "smart" girl that kept to herself?

or, would you remember me as

the gentle girl next door

that never stopped trying?

just remember that

i wanted to be remembered.

©Butteryevil 2003

.obsolete.

.obsolete.

heartbreak

torture

emptiness

alone

numb

problems

pain

hurting

fatique

death by suicide

obsolete

©Butteryevil 2003

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

.issues.

.issues.

issues

sadness

hurting, pain

tortured, alone, scared

burning, fear, hatred, nothingness

mutilation, no love, paranoia,

no time, mindless

issues

©Butteryevil 2003

.why.me.

.why.me.

why is it always me,

that goes to bed crying.

and right before i go to sleep,

it think about dying.

should i kill myslf with a knife?

slit my wrist once or twice?

No.

something that is painless.

take a whole bottle of sleeping pills..

and feel them going through my chest?

Yes...thats the answer.

i'm getting drowsy now 

and i feel sleep coming on.

i'm wondering how everyone 

will feel now that i'm gone.

don't you all realize..

that it's all your fault?

i could have been a happy teenager,

but instead you pissed me off.

it's over now 

and i wont be back for more.

i know that by this time,

mom's probably walking through

the front door.

she finds me lying on the floor.

right next to that empty pill bottle

i stole from the store.

but there's more to this story

that i'd rather not talk about.

i wish that when i snuck out that night

they'd have just kicked me out.

so it's over now,

and i'm saying goodbye.

just remember that it's all your fault,

that i had to die. 

©Butteryevil 2003

.mr.quiet.

.mr.quiet.

why don't you open up to me, Mr. Quiet?

do you think that i won't listen or

what you say may cause a riot?

are you a stranger,

 even to yourself?

so unsure, 

you're afraid to confide in anyone else?

do i make you nervous?

do i rack your brain?

is all of my endless questioning, 

driving you insane?

are you lost deep inside yourself?

wearing your heart upon your sleeve?

where it tends to need a little help..

or 

do you hate the fact 

that i pry, Mr. Quiet?

so much so that you'll stay closed

(basically saying "don't even try it")?

do i even have a chance,

tell me once and for all.

will you open up to me?

i can't see you,

hiding behind your wall.

but i promise i wont be hurtful,

i'll listen when you speak.

i love to learn about you,

i find you quite unique.

so if you give me a chance

i swear to you..

i'll use it.

i'll treasure what you say to me

and i promise,

i won't lose it. 

©Butteryevil 2003

.Because We Are Human Too.

.Because We Are Human Too.

Do you find it humorous, 

to laugh, to point, or stare?

When you ignore us,

do you feel better?

You know,

we know,

you saw us standing there.

Are you afrida to love or

just to shake my hand?

Do you see the pain created,

when your eyes view me so bland?

I just wanted you to know,

the reason we seem so blue..

I am hurting,

we are hurting..

that is because,

 we are human too. 

Just because I love her,

I am hated daily.

She loves me too you know,

Don't look at us so crazily.

The love I feel for her,

is the same as what you feel for him.

She means the world to me,

Our love stronger then a dam.

If we tend to be offensive,

Forgive us, it's not meant.

We've been hurt too many times,

too many nights crying spent.

Just wanted you to feel,

to know that,

yes, its true.

Just like every one of them,

we are human too. 

©Butteryevil 2004

.boy.

boy,

you confuse the hell out of me.

sometimes i really want to be with you.

other times, i just let you be.

i don't know how you feel anymore.

are you listening to your boys..

and just trying to score?

am i making too much of an effort.

to try to make this work..

i get the vibe that you'll leave me..

for the next dime in a short skirt.

do you love me?

do you see "us" 

when you think about the future?

my curiosity is killing me,

i feel like an ignorant useless creature.

i don't know how to express my emotions, 

other then to write.

are you worried about what others will think?

me being black, you being white?

i'd give my world,

to feel your lips against my own.

please you in more ways then one.

make you feel good

make you hurt to moan.

you don't know how much,

i just want you to be here.

i just want you to be close,

caress you and have you near.

but i know this is impossible,

at least for a couple of months.

so don't you go doing nothing crazy,

getting arrested and all your various stunts.

know what i wish more than anything else?

that i'd known you since birth,

more time to ourselves.

if i could just be wrapped 

in your wonderful arms,

i'd feel safe, less lonley and 

shielded from any harm.

this might be just another dumb rhyme to you.

to me, this is my future, my dreams.

i hope i get to spend it with you. 

© Butteryevil 2003

.tired.

.tired.

i'm tired of being lonley.

i'm tired of being sick.

i'm tired of being dr. gibson's guinea pig.

i'm tired of not sleeping.

i'm tired of being stressed.

i'm tired of being medicated.

i'm tired of having friends that use me.

i'm tired of being alone.

i'm tired of my life not improving.

i'm tired of being poor.

i'm tired of high school.

i'm tired of learning useless things.

i'm tired of being sad.

i'm tired of thinking so much.

i'm tired of being depressed.

i'm tired of being worthless.

i'm just..

tired of being tired.

© Butteryevil 2003

.it rains.

.it rains.

it rains.

my heart that is.

it  rains the pain that 

i feel inside my heart, soul and brain.

it burns.

my soul that is.

it burns a hole through,

and causes me pain too. 

when i deal with guys 

whose hearts are unlike myne.

but ICE COLD.

it grows.

my love that is. 

the love that i feel,

that i think is real..

but ends up being faker..

then the first few minutes of a blind date.

And then...it pours. 

the rain seeps from my eyes,

like opened the doors.

and..

it hurts,

it burns,

it grows,

the pain.

the rain. 

© Butteryevil 2003

.another lesson learned.

http://youtu.be/24gjW4Oqj2k 

.another lesson learned.

i haven't written in a while,

my life it stays the same.

i guess there is one small new thing,

a boy who hides his pain.

i've know him for a least four years,

my life he is now a part.

friends, enemies, or lovers,

Drew

will forever be in my heart.

it was a miracle that i found him

this boy i lost some time ago.

i thought about him every day,

but this is something he'll never know.

i'd call him up like..

"how you doin' hun?"

my love for him hidden inside.

but recently his heart was won...

something neither of us could no longer hide.

i'm at a crucial point in my life..

a room without any doors.

i'd love to be a "free girl"

but something inside me,

yearns for more.

i need to express,

all the things that i've gone through.

but it hurts to even think about them, 

let alone explain them to you.

"he'd never understand" i think..

"he's never felt that pain"

all the things that have happened..

have given me such a strain.

what i want him to know..

is that i'm his lady no matter what.

i'd never do what that chick did to him..

no ifs, ands, or buts.

it's crazy because..

i never saw myself being with you.

sure..we were always friends..

but i'd never seen a romantic point of view. 

i really hope this lasts..

tired of being hurt and burned.

maybe i can truly trust him with my heart..

but if not..

i guess this is just..

another lesson learned. 

© Butteryevil 2003 

.know.

.know.

thinking of the one who touched my heart,

feeling the utmost sadness when we're apart,

gaining love as the days roll on,

just knowing.

i hate hurting,

hurting for love,

hurting to be loved 

hating the hurt 

loving the hate

hating, not loving.

hoping that my fire will continue to unfurl,

believing that i am the most important one

in the world,

wearing my heart out on my sleeve,

now knowing.

i hate hurting,

hurting for love,

hurting to be loved

hating the hurt

loving the hate

hating, not loving.

huting for the love that i once felt,

burning of the desire 

that makes my heart melt,

crying in the darkness, 

my hand now dealt.

once knowing.

i hate hurting,

hurting for love,

hurting to be loved

hating the hurt

loving the hate

hating, not loving. 

©Butteryevil 2003

.Wondering.Mindlessly.

.Wondering.Mindlessly. 

Does my heart still ache?

I ask myself on repeat.

Not ache...but regret..

A challenge I have yet to beat.

A simple little poem..will it suffice?

My face with a smirk, cautions

Not even done just right. 

It replies: No. A poem just won't do.

Let us sit back and calculate

to get through to you.

How many have came into your heart

just to get out?

I shrug and slowly respond

"too many to count"

And your dreams for the future..

Are they still intact?

"For the most part, I guess..

just fucking relax."

I'm getting mixed signals,

My mind tells me.

You are in love,

do you disagree?

In love, yes. I am sure,

but it's not what you believe

My heart sends an Eye-Em,

Will he break me and leave?

I have no reply

I'm stuck in the still

I pray to Gee-Oh-Dee Not.

Or...I'll have nothing, nada, nil.

Enough chit chat..you're boring me.

You're current mood...content?

Being read wrong possibly?

I didn't mean to sit here

and spill to you my guts.

So, do us all a favor and ignore

me if you must..

Then, the tiny voice says..

"No..it's just us."

©Butteryevil 2003