.confidentiality

.confidentiality.

i'm so guarded because i value my confidentiality.

to know me for me,

one must gain a sense of intimacy.

i use a lot caution with my privacy.

i live a lot of life behind closed doors,

behind the walls of secrecy.

i confide in those i trust,

but it takes lots of years to get there

to avoid those judgmental creatures,

stay away from awkward dead stares.

when i'm imparting private matters

i use a confidential tone of voice.

only with someone i deem trustworthy, 

familiarity is my choice.

i'm private and restricted,

no secrets to be unearthed. 

i'm intimate with my intimacy, 

as caring as a nurse.

to get to my confidentiality,

to break the barrier wide.

you must look deep within

learn the secrets she holds inside. 

©Butteryevil 2012

.the struggle.

.the struggle.

it's kinda funny how life changes every second.

every minute completely different than the one previous. 

and thats me. 

that's who i am. 

the struggle. 

i'm changing drastically as time rolls along. 

i'm feelin' like a different girl than the one i was ten minutes ago. 

i'm feelin' used and abused. 

i'm feelin' down right lonely in an ugly society. 

the struggle. 

i'm feelin' neglected in my own world. 

and i'm hurting. 

the struggle. 

and as i dwell on what's goin on with me i'm thinking about all the things that i'm currently neglecting in my life by staying. 

i'm neglecting my education...

neglecting my family..

neglecting getting to know my little brother better...

neglecting bills...

the struggle.

i just don't understand what's goin on and i'm saddened. 

Saddened that someone could say..

"i want to devote myself to you" one minute,

and say "you can get the fuck out then.." 

in the next breath. 

and get the fuck out is what i want to do. 

but mostly it's get the fuck out of my life as it is...

let go!

and change it for the better. 

make more of a difference than i currently am. 

do the things that i was born to do. 

nurse. 

teach. 

write.

reach.

 change lives. 

i'm a very influential important person to our society... 

no one knows it yet. 

and its up to me to show them. 

and God willing.. 

i WILL show them.

i'm done struggling.